The Echo
This past month has been a whirlwind. There has been a lot of good, some bad, and of course the neutral, boring days that just come with being an adult.
Last week especially was a real test to my self-esteem and confidence level. I’m not going to lie, I’m a bit sensitive (I know…shocker!). More in the way that I can wind up beating myself up internally when criticized. I don’t do well with conflict. I sometimes wish I did. When there are situations where I feel like I am being treated a certain way, I shut down. I don’t know the words to say. I don’t always know how to keep from taking things personally. I don’t know how to not let the words snowball into other areas of my life, where they create an echo.
Then, on the opposite end of the spectrum, I have something I’m very excited about coming up next month. I also have my writing, books I’m looking forward to reading, hobbies and my friends. But unfortunately, when I hear things that are critical and discouraging, it makes me start to question everything. It has a way of dimming some of that excitement I have in other areas of my life.
One thing I have learned these past few years, and something I’ve definitely been practicing, is not letting my mind get too far ahead of me. Take each day as it comes. I have learned the things that I need to do to regulate my emotions and to make myself feel better, instead of giving that responsibility to other people.
I tell myself that if someone is mad at me or dislikes me, that doesn’t mean that everyone does. It doesn’t mean other people don’t want to spend time with me. Sometimes, that’s still hard for me to believe. I think part of it is fear. That if I let myself believe that people may genuinely enjoy me, I start to care. Once I care, those people have the ability to hurt me. Just like the situation that happened earlier this week. It hurt, because I care. It’s scary to put myself in a position to be hurt, but sometimes, it’s worth it. You can’t hide away out of fear and I don’t want to. I don’t ever want to turn into someone that let’s someone else dictate my emotions. Yes, I’m sensitive, but I’m also resilient. It’s a very confusing combination sometimes! :) Every difficult experience gives me another opportunity to learn something about myself. And to me, that’s what matters most.
Weekly Tarot Spread…Four of Swords, Empress, Justice, Fool, 8 of Cups and Hermit
Anyway, my tarot cards this week seemed to imply that it’s okay to rest, focus on myself and the things that make me happy, and continue letting go of old patterns that never really served me in the first place (like letting one difficult situation affect everything else…). I can't control what other people think of me, but I can continue learning to trust myself a little more.
Book I’m reading: The Bond that Burns: I’m still on this damn book. It’s taking me forever to read it. It’s not that it’s bad, I’m enjoying it, but I think the reason I’m not completely sucked in is that I don’t feel immersed in it. I feel like I’m watching the story unfold instead of living inside it. The story is fun though. Vampires, Dragon Riders, I think a vampire is turning into a dragon possibly. I have no idea. At this point it has turned into a vibes read.
Well, hopefully this week feels a little lighter than the last! I am thankfully back at aerial regularly, I’m almost finished reading this weird book and I just want to enjoy the summer while it’s still here. I do plan to continue writing book 2 as well, I’m thinking late fall will be when I really dive back into it.
I hope everyone else enjoys their week as well!
xoxo
Teri